It was my third suicide attempt; I was kneeling in front of my altar holding a small bottle of pesticide. I said " Lord forgive me, I can't cope the pain anymore. That time I was limping, sometimes I was crawling. The pain worsened when I remembered the chain of tragedies in my life. My mother suffered mental illness when I was only six and she died when I was seven. When I was a teenager, my father and myself got ill together at the same time. Six months after, he died leaving me seriously ill. I undergone an operation in the hospital and my life was saved but after my operation, my nephew got an accident and he died in the other hospital in the same day In less than a year, another accident happened, my brother also died. About a year, after my brother's death, another sickness attacked me. After six months of limping and sometimes crawling, I lost hope. I thought no more happiness to come in my life that all my life is sufferings. I was thinking that to end my life is the end of pain and sufferings.
In my three suicide attempts, I was not able to do it because as if I saw tears fell down in the cheek at the image of Jesus Christ in my altar. and as if I could hear the Lord saying "don't do that". I would immediately put down the pesticide and asked forgiveness to the Lord then prayed. After the last attempt, I asked forgiveness and prayed then beg to God again and again that took me almost whole day. I felt tired of begging and crying that I felt asleep. In the middle of my deep sleep, someone woke me, when I opened my eyes, I saw Jesus Christ standing close to my feet. He was looking at me but I couldn't move. He then moved closer to my left hip where the pain was and touched by rubbing gently down to my foot for three times. In a second, He was gone and I was able to move as I heard the crowing of the rooster and I knew it was already dawn time. I got up and lit the lamp but couldn't see anybody except my altar where I saw the image of Jesus Christ. I then knelt down and prayed then went back to sleep. When I woke up that morning, the pain was still there but I felt lighter. I went out limping and collected some herbal medicine. Three days after, I got better and I knew I was walking with the power of the Lord our God. I thanked Him for that great miracle.